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duc la el:
- Mai negrule, ia raspunde tu la o intrebare:
- De ce esti tu alb in palme?
- ???
- Fiindca stateai cu mainile la perete cand te-a vopsit D-zeu.
Si albii rad de se prapadesc.
- Mai negrule mai, mai avem una:
De ce esti tu alb pe talpi?
- ????
- Fiindca stateai in picioare cand te-a vopsit D-zeu.
Si iar rad albii de se prapadesc.
Se gandeste el negrul si le spune:
- Mai albilor, dar stiti voi de sunteti negri in c*r?
- ????
- Fiindca atunci cand v-am f***t in c*r eram proaspat vopsit ...
si o zbugheste negrul la fuga....
In metrou, o duduie indignata il apostrofeaza pe un negru (student strain) care statea linistit pe
scaun:
-La noi, in Romania, doamnele stau pe scaun, iar tinerii ca tine stau in picioare!
-La noi in Africa, baietii ca mine stau in jurul focului, iar doamnele ca tine stau in cazan, la fiert!
Un smecheras de cartier se duce ?Žntr-un bar si cere barmanului negru:
- Bai, fata de cur, adu repede o bere!
Barmanul il apuca de gat, jap, jap doua palme pe cocoasa si-l da afara.
A doua seara iar: - Bai,fata de cur, adu repede o bere!
Barmanul ?Žl ia la suturi si-l da afara.
A treia seara barmanul bea si el linistit un suc cu paiul c??nd intra smecherasul ?Žn bar:
- Auzi,mosule, c??nd termini clisma asta, adu-mi o bere!
Un alb si un negru stau de vorba:
- Eu c?Žnd mă nasc s?Žnt negru, c?Žnd mă sperii s?Žnt negru, c?Žnd mi-e frig s?Žnt negru, c?Žnd mă ?Žnfurii s?Žnt negru, c?Žnd mor s?Žnt negru. Tu c?Žnd te naşti eşti albicios, c?Žnd te sperii te faci gălbui, c?Žnd ţi-e frig eşti movuliu spre albastru, c?Žnd te ?Žnfurii eşti roşu, c?Žnd mori eşti v?Žnăt-verzui. Cu toate astea, mă faci pe mine de culoare?!
- Eu c?Žnd ma nasc s?Žnt negru, c?Žnd ma sperii
s?Žnt negru, c?Žnd mi-e frig s?Žnt negru, c?Žnd ma ?Žnfurii s?Žnt negru, c?Žnd mor s?Žnt negru. Tu c?Žnd te nasti esti albicios, c?Žnd te sperii te faci galbui, c?Žnd ti-e frig esti movuliu spre albastru, c?Žnd te ?Žnfurii esti rosu, c?Žnd mori esti v?Žnat-verzui. Cu toate astea, ma faci pe mine de culoare?!
Intr-o zi,un alb se duce la o bererie si cere:
Buna ziua,vleau si eu o bele.
n:MA,se zice bere,nu bele.mai vino odata si cere o beRe.
a:Buna ziua,vleau si eu o bele.
n:ma,ma duc eu la usa,si tu stai si ma servesti,da?
a:da
n:Buna ziua,vreau si eu o beRe.
a:Ne pale lau,nu selvim negli.
O familie de negri din Africa de Sud, tata Zulu, mama Zulu si copilul Zulu afla ca exista un rau pe care daca il traversezi inot devii alb.
Era o singura problema: raul era plin de crocodili vesnic infometati. Dar nu mai conta, teroarea albilor era mult prea mare, asa ca si-au asumat riscul.
Ajunsi pe malul raului se hotarasc ca primul sa il traverseze tata Zulu. Desi a fost greu a reusit. Si sa vezi minune: s-a transformat in alb!
Plina de curaj si de speranta mama Zulu se avanta in apa. Crocodilii treziti de tata Zulu incep sa ii dea tarcoale, dar reuseste sa ajunga pe celalalt mal vie si nevatamata. Iar minunea se repeta: mama Zulu se transforma in alba.
Acum e randul copilului Zulu, care micut fiind inota mai incet. Crocodilii, flamanzi si ofticati ca au scapat bucati mai mari de carne sar cu totii pe copilul Zulu.
Mama Zulu, disperata, striga ingrozita:
-Tata Zulu, fa ceva, ajuta-l, nu vezi ca il mananca crocodilii!?
La care tata Zulu:
-Da-l dracu, un negru mai putin!
Ce cere un negru intr-o cofetarie: o negresa!
De ce s-a inventat ciocolata alba?
-Ca sa se murdareasca si negrii la gura.
Semaforizarea la Pretoria. Semaforul are doua culori: alb si negru.
Circulatia se desfasoara in modul urmator: pe alb trec albii si pe negru trec masinile!
10 negri mergeau prin desert. Se intalnesc cu un duh care le spuse ca o sa le indeplineasca cate o dorinta la fiecare.
Primul zice:
-Vreau sa fiu alb!
Al doilea:
-Vreau sa fih alb!
Al treilea:
-Vreau sa fiu alb!
...
Al noualea:
-Vreau sa fiu alb!
Al zecelea:
-Vreu sa fie toti negri!
-Ce e mic,negru si mananca pietre?
.............
-Micul negru mancator de pietre!!!
..................
-Dar ce e mare,negru,are 3 picioare si sta pe tavan?
..........
-Pianul.
-Dar pianul nu sta pe tavan!!!
-Ce te intereseaza pe tine cum imi aranjez io mobila???
Un negru Otumbo emigreaza in America, intalneste o fata, se indragosteste de ea si merge la tatal ei sa o ceara de nevasta.
TATAL:Ca sa te casatoresti cu fica mea trebuie sa termini doua facultati.
Otumbo termina 2 facultati in 4 ani si revine la tatal fetei.
TATAL:Ca sa te casatoresti cu fiica mea trebuie sa strangi un mil. de dolari.
Otumbo se angajaza la 10 companii strange un milion de dolari si se intoarce la tatal fetei
TATAL:Daca vrei sa te casatoresti cu fiica mea trebuie sa ai pula de un metru
Se duce Otumbo acasa pune p... pe masa ia cutitul si HRST...
Intr-o zi vin doi negri la noi in Romania.
Cum mergeau ei au vazut doi indragostiti care ziceau:
- Noi doi amandoi! Noi doi amandoi!
Mai merg ei putin si vad un mos care zicea:
-Unu doi poc de gard , unu doi poc de gard!
Mai merg ei putin si dau de doi cersetori care ziceau:
-Mai datine douazeci , mai datine douazeci ! Mai merg ei putin si dau de un politist care ia intrebat:
- Voi doi stiti cine a omorat-o pe baba asta?
- Noi doi amandoi ! au spus ei.
-Pai cum ati omorat-o?
-Unu doi poc de gard!
-E pentru asta 20 de ani de inchisoare!
-Mai datine 20 mai dati-ne 20 ! Au spus ei.
-De ce s-a inventat ciocolata alba?
- ???
-Ca si negri sa se murdareasca la gura !!!
Era pe timpul apartheidului în Africa de Sud. În cele din urmă se aprobă ca organizaţia Crucii Roşii mondiale să viziteze o închisoare, bineînţeles plină ochi cu negri bantu. Doamnele de la Crucea Roşie au inspectat şi infirmeria închisorii şi acolo au văzut trei negri mititei care erau cu gâtul, mâinile şi picioarele în ghips şi îl întrebară pe primul:
- Domnule, ce s-a întâmplat?
- Traversam strada pe o trecere de pietoni, când aud că vine în viteză un merţan condus de un alb şi mă loveşte de am spart parbrizul şi am intrat peste el înăuntru şi apoi am fost condamnat la închisoare pentru că am intrat în autoturism prin efracţie. Îl întrebară şi pe al doilea:
- Dumitale ce ţi s-a mai întâmplat?
- Pe mine aşa tare m-a lovit un alb cu merţanu pe trecerea de pietoni că am spart parbrizul, am tranzitat interiorul maşinii şi am ieşit prin lunetă şi bineînţeles că am intrat la răcoare mai mult decât colegul pentru că mi-au zis că am intrat prin efracţie şi am ieşit prin efracţie. La al treilea:
- Domnule, dumneata ce-ai mai păţit? (ăsta avea mâini, picioare, gât în ghips şi era înfăşurat tot în bandaje).
- Pe mine când m-a lovit un alb cu maţina pe trecere de pietoni, am intrat prin parbriz, am ieşit prin lunetă şi nu s-a săturat, a frânat, s-a dat jos, a venit la mine şi mi-a înfipt un cuţit în spate după care am fost condamnat fiindcă am intrat prin efracţie, am ieşit prin efracţie şi culmea, pentru port ilegal de armă.
O suta de negri merg prin desert. Deodata gasesc lampa lui Aladin.
Duhul le indeplineste la fiecare cate o dorinta.
Primul:sa fiu alb,al doilea:sa fiu alb,tot asa pana la al nouazeci si noulea.
Pe cand toti ceilalti se bucurau de nu se mai putea si faceau misto de cel care ramasesera negri, al 100-lea, care statea pe ganduri, se decide si spune:
- Ia fa-i pe toti negri!
Un cersetor in New York :
- Aaaajutati un biet cersetor orb! ...
- Aaaajutati un biet cersetor orb!
Vazand ca nimeni nu il baga in seama, mai adauga, cu dezamagire in glas:
- Si am impresia ca sunt si negru...
Un negru se duce la doctor in Africa de Sud. Se plange de dureri in gat.
Doctorul il pune sa se dezbrace complet dupa care il pune sa mearga in patru labe si sa stea cate putin in fiecare colt al cabinetului.
Negrul, cam uimit, se executa, dupa care il intreaba pe doctor ce legatura are treaba asta cu durerile lui de gat.
La care doctorul raspunde:
- Nu, n-are nici o legatura, dar mi-am cumparat o masa neagra pentru cabinet si ma gandeam unde sa o pun....
-Ce inseamna cand un negru se urca intr-u copac???
Cu un negru mai putin pe pamant.
- Ce inseamna cand doi negru se urca intr-un copac?
Cu doi negrii mai putinii pe pamant .
Da ce inseamna cand trei negrii se urca intr-un copac?
- Se rupe copacul...
Un turist alb, in vizita in Pretoria, in Africa de Sud, vrea sa vada un film.
Merge la cinema si se pune la rind. Numai negri la coada la bilete. Unul din ei zice:
- Domnule, se vede ca nu sinteti de pe aici. Albii nu stau la rind.
Bun, intra asta in fata si merge in sala. Vrea sa se aseze la parter dar unul zice:
D-le se vede ca nu sinteti de pe aici, albii stau la balcon.
Merge albul la balcon, incepe filmul si dupa o vreme vrea la toaleta.
Intreaba un alb: - Unde e toaleta?
- Se vede ca nu esti de pe aici. Albii se pisa din balcon.
Zis si facut. Cum se usura el de la balcon, numai se aude o voce de jos:
- Alo, se vede ca nu sinteti de pe aici, mai plimbati-o si-n stinga si dreapta...
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